ReAwakened Page 19

  Razor nodded. “If it’s something medical—”

  “It’s not.” I forced my lips into yet another fake, upward curve.

  “Is it me?” Sebastian whispered, flinching. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “Did you?” Razor asked at the same time as I said, “No.”

  “But it has something to do with me, doesn’t it?” Pain shot through his eyes. “If I’ve done anything to hurt you…” He clenched his fists.

  “No, it’s not you. It’s just—”

  Somewhere from deep within the darkness I heard her challenge me.

  Tell him. I dare you, she whispered menacingly.

  “Dawn, what is it?”

  Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.

  “It’s…nothing.”

  My head felt like it was being crushed in a vice; a dull throbbing pulsated in the background.

  Come on, tell him all about me.

  “Dawn?” Sebastian's voice was floating through space, millions of miles away.

  Tell him how crazy you are, she laughed. See what happens.

  “I’m not crazy!” I yelled through the growing headache.

  “Of course not!” Sebastian cried. “Why would you say that?”

  “I don’t know.” I buried my head in my hands. The vice tightened, and the hammering tempo increased.

  Oh, but you do, Aurora pressed.

  Shut up, I silently willed her. I’m not crazy. Shut up.

  You are crazy, she spat. You’re a lot of other things too. Weak. Pathetic. Capable of hurting those around you. But most importantly, you’re mine to command.

  The noise in my head was reaching a high-pitched crescendo.

  I placed my hands over my ears. Go away!

  I chanted the words over and over again until, as if switching off the power on the radio, Aurora vanished. No more static. No more shrill ringing. Just a blinding headache. I was suddenly out of my head and back in the bedroom. Sebastian was grasping my shoulders, shaking me gently as he called my name.

  Razor had moved to the other side of my bed. He stared at me wide-eyed. “I’m all for jokes, D, but you’re freaking me out.”

  “You checked out on us for a while,” Sebastian told me. “And your nose started to bleed.”

  “I was contemplating calling in an exorcist,” Razor said, slipping on a cheerful mask over his concern.

  Little did he know that I might actually benefit from one.

  I took a deep breath. Then another. And another.

  “I’m okay now,” I told them, wiping the blood from my nose. “Just a tiny nosebleed.”

  They didn't look convinced.

  “Vampires don’t usually get nosebleeds,” Razor said.

  “Everything’s fine.” I repeated, waiting for the voice in my head to say for now. To my relief, all was quiet. I attempted to steer their thoughts away from me. “What are you guys doing here, anyway?” I snapped, feigning annoyance. “Watching me sleep?”

  Razor arched a brow. “Don’t girls like being watched by handsome guys while they sleep?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, definitely. We also like you peering through our windows while we change.”

  This brought out his wicked smirk. “Excellent idea. Especially if you plan on wearing more things like that.” A tiny fragment of his concern chipped away as he focused on the thin pink strap that had slid down my arm.

  “Ugh! You can get out now!”I hurled a pillow at his head, relieved to have drawn his attention away from my health.

  Razor dashed for the exit, leaving me alone with the better behaved York. Convincing Sebastian that there was nothing wrong would be a much harder task.

  “Dawn…” My name was barely a whisper on his lips as he closed the distance between us. He whisked a lock of my hair away from my face, gently tucking it behind my ear.

  Unlike other times, when his touch electrified me, I felt a sudden sense of panic. The memory of his death flashed through my mind, and I jerked back, separating his hand from my face.

  “What’s wrong?”

  All that blood swirling around in the water.

  “Did Razor piss you off? I swear, I’ll—”

  “No.” I held up my hand. “I just…”

  All that blood…Sebastian’s blood.

  Aurora’s warning.

  I took a deep breath, ignoring the stinging in my chest. “I can’t do this.”

  “Do what?”

  “This.” I gestured between us. “Whatever this is…I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  “What happened between last night and now to make you say that?”

  You died. She made you die. Because of me.

  “Nothing.” I shrugged, looking down at the comforter. “I just realized that everything I felt for you was because of the blood connection,” I lied through clenched teeth, forcing my tears away. For this to work, I couldn’t cry. “It was all a huge mistake. We were deluding ourselves with a lie.” The pain in my chest spread throughout my body as I said, “I regret kissing you.”

  “I don’t regret kissing you.”

  “I’m sorry.” My voice sounded surprisingly composed. On the inside, I was unraveling, coming apart into a million tiny pieces.

  Don’t cry, don’t cry.

  Sebastian clenched his fists. “I told you, I can tell when you’re lying.” He took a deep breath. “Why are you trying to convince yourself of something that’s not true?”

  Because I care about you, I wanted to say. So much. Instead, I said, “It’s true.”

  The dark clouds in his eyes had gathered into a full-blown storm. I hated what I was doing to him—what I was doing to us both—but I had to ensure that I’d never experience the reality of Aurora’s horrific premonition. She wasn’t going to rest until she tore us apart, it seemed, and this way I could at least guarantee Sebastian’s safety. Until I found a way to deal with Aurora, staying away from Sebastian was the only way to keep her from hurting him.

  It tore me apart inside that I couldn’t even tell him why. A small part of me worried about what he would think, but more importantly, I feared what he would do. He wouldn’t fight Aurora—I knew that with certainty—because he couldn’t fight me, leaving him vulnerable to her attack. My only option was to make sure she couldn’t get close.

  I pulled my knees to my chest, creating a barrier between us. “Once the blood spell wears off, you’ll feel the same way. Trust me.”

  “You can keep lying to yourself, but you can’t tell me how to feel.”

  I didn’t have a comeback for that one.

  “Dawn, why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you?” he urged.

  “I think it would be best if we didn’t see each other for a while,” I said, ignoring his plea. “It’s not like we were a couple or anything, so we should just stop before this thing between us goes any further.”

  “Are you upset because of that? Not being an official couple? I—”

  My heart turned to stone. “No. What I’m saying is that I don’t want to be an official couple. Ever.”

  To my surprise, Sebastian maintained his composure. “Is that what you really want?” he asked, exhaling sharply.

  I gritted my teeth and nodded.

  “Then say it,” he challenged. “Loud and clear.”

  “I’d like nothing better than to be as far away from you as possible.” Lies, lies, lies.

  What I really wanted was to reach out and touch him; to feel his arms around me, his lips against mine, his heart beating to the rhythm of my own.

  But he was now up on his feet, moving away from me. Sadness enveloped me as I watched him cross the room. He paused briefly by the door. “Remember what I told you last night. Everything I feel for you is real,” he said hoarsely. “I’m not sure what you’re running from, but I’ll be here if you change your mind.”

  I almost changed my mind right then and there.

  “Goodbye, Sebastian.”

  He left without a word.

 
Faced with the cold emptiness of the room, I didn’t allow myself to cry. I had no intention of letting the phantom in my mind claim me. Even if every part of me wanted to break down, even if the sharp stinging in the back of my throat had made its way into my eyes, even if it physically pained me to swallow back tears. I wouldn’t show her any weakness. I would sacrifice my happiness to secure Sebastian’s well-being, but I would never let Aurora possess me wholly.

  Resting my head against my knees, I took in a raw, shaky breath just as Razor burst through the door.

  “What did you do to my little brother?” he asked. “He’s gone all emo again! He just stormed out!”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, not bothering to look up.

  “Trouble in paradise? Want me to talk to him for you?” he offered. “I’m sure I can convince him to come crawling back. Even literally, if you’re into that kind of kinky stuff.”

  “Actually, you need to make sure that he stays away,” I told him.

  “Huh?” The mattress depressed slightly as he sank down beside me.

  “If you care about him, please keep him as far away from me as possible,” I said, lifting my head.

  Razor blinked. “How am I supposed to do that? He’s clearly into you.”

  “I don’t know. Divert his attention. Make him see Lena for the goddess that she is,” I suggested with a sigh.

  He plopped down on his back. “Uhh…okay, why?” he asked, glancing at me from the corner of his eye.

  “I have my reasons.”

  He regarded me for a while, as if trying to read my thoughts, then shook his head. “I’m not going to do something that’s clearly going to hurt Seb. I’ve been down that road before, and it doesn’t have a happy ending. I’ve learned my lesson.”

  “If you don’t help me, I’m afraid that Sebastian will end up more hurt than you can imagine.”

  “Okay, what happened at the pool, Dawn?” he asked, completely serious. “What are you so scared to talk about?”

  I inhaled sharply. “I’m not…stable.”

  There. I said it. I told someone.

  The confused look that crossed Razor’s face kept me talking. “When Sebastian and I are together…I find myself losing control. Over everything.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I raised my hand to stop him. “I’m really not in the mood for whatever dirty remark you’re going to say right now.”

  “Believe it or not, I wasn’t going there at all,” he said quietly. “What do you mean, you’re not stable?”

  I had to tell someone. Or else Aurora would consume me from the inside.

  Taking a deep breath, I let him in. “Ever since I found out about Aurora, I started having these uncontrollable spells where I lose control and she takes over. She invades my mind. She talks to me and makes me see things…things that she threatens she’ll make me do. Things like…”

  “Hurting Sebastian?” he guessed.

  I nodded, finally allowing myself to breathe. “Do you think I’m crazy?”

  “Do you feel crazy?”

  “A little. But I also feel like I’m not having serious mental health issues. I think Aurora has somehow awoken within me.”

  “Aurora—the girl who was murdered in 1875?”

  “Yes, and I don’t think that she’s just a figment of my imagination. I think she’s real.” I buried my head in my hands. “I know that’s what people say when they’re trying to make someone believe they’re not sick, but I don’t think the problem is with my head. I think it’s something else. Somehow, she’s come to life inside me, and she’s fighting for physical control of my body.”

  Razor pressed his lips together. “I wish I knew what to tell you, D. In all my years as a doctor, I’ve never dealt with anything like what you’re describing.”

  “It’s okay, I don’t need you to say anything,” I told him. “I’m just thankful that you listened and didn’t run from the room screaming.”

  “Yet.” His smile chipped away at my pain.

  I couldn’t help but smile back. “You’re right—not yet.”

  Divulging my crippling secret to Razor was somehow easier than sharing it with anyone else. I didn’t worry about his judgment; I wasn’t afraid of scaring him off. We had just met, and I didn’t owe him anything. But there was more to it than that. With him, I could say whatever came to mind and not care about the consequences. More importantly, I didn’t have to fear that Aurora wanted him in the same way that she wanted Sebastian.

  “She comes when I’m with Sebastian, almost as if she’s jealous of us,” I explained. “So until I’m able to figure out what’s going on, I need to keep my distance. I can’t let her…let myself hurt him.” I looked at him pleadingly. “Will you help me?”

  Razor sighed. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

  “There’s no way that you can regret it any more than I already do,” I whispered.

  He mumbled something under his breath, but his voice was too low for me to catch the words. Silence filled the air around us.

  Too numb to cry, I contemplated my next move. Staying in bed with a trampled heart and a broken mind wasn’t an option—I was pretty sure that was only allowed if one was a corset-clad heroine in a romance novel—so, as always, the only alternative was to get up and keep fighting. And for this fight, I first had to discover my forta. If I was going to defeat Aurora, I’d need to access every last bit of power within me.

  “I’ve been thinking,” I began slowly, “if anyone knows anything about my forta, or lack thereof, it would be Elisa.”

  Razor looked at me, questioning.

  “My old nanny,” I clarified. “She’s been by my side all my life. Maybe she would be able to tell me what’s going on.”

  Razor frowned. “If she was hiding the information from you for nineteen years, what makes you think that she'll talk now?”

  “She has to,” I locked my jaw, fighting the panic rising within me. “She's all I’ve got.”

  “Are you going to invite her here?” Razor asked.

  I shook my head. “I can’t. She's confined to the Scarlet House as the main caregiver for the children in the training program. After everything that’s happened, I can’t just take her away from them. I think it would be better for me to go there.”

  Razor’s eyebrows shot up. “Aren't you banned from the Scarlet House?”

  Bad news travels fast, I thought, suddenly feeling like Razor had been part of our group for months.

  “Don’t worry, I'll find a way in,” I told him.

  “When?”

  “As soon as possible.”

  I needed to get away from Angel Creek for a while.

  More specifically, I needed to get far away from Sebastian.

  Sneaking into the Scarlet House turned out to be much easier than I expected. Elisa instructed me to meet Sterling at the front gate—one of Twitbrook’s new guards who could easily be bought with a fancy bottle of blood liqueur. He barely paid any attention to me, simply nodding toward the entrance as he salivated over the bribe.

  Once inside the walls of the property, I made my way to the rear of the house, sneaking from one bush to another, taking cover behind marble statues, following the same path that I had used while playing countless games of hide-and-seek as a child. I broke into a sprint when I spotted Elisa waiting for me on the back steps. She was dressed in a brown wool cardigan, her hair pinned up in a loose bun. Instinctively, I flew into her arms, burying my head in her shoulder. The combination of her comforting touch and her flowery perfume transported me to the simple days of my childhood. For a split second, I wished I would never have to return to reality.

  “Let’s get you inside before someone notices you’re here,” Elisa whispered, breaking our hug. “Twitbrook just called his guards to his office. Something big is going on and we don’t want to be caught in the middle of it.”

  When we reached the safety of Elisa’s room, she let out a small sigh of relief. “What do I owe the pl
easure of this surprise visit to?” she asked, smiling brightly.

  Skipping over all formalities, I asked, “Why didn’t my father tell me about fortas?”

  Elisa’s eyes widened in surprise as her lips parted to form a small o shape. “Oh, honey…it’s…it’s complicated,” she stammered, her hand fluttering to her chest.

  “Do I have a forta?” The question was barely a whisper, but my voice was unwavering.

  Elisa didn’t reply.

  “Well, do I?” I repeated, this time louder.

  She exhaled, nodding slowly. “Yes. Yes you do.”

  My stomach lurched. That wasn't the answer I was expecting.

  Countless questions swarmed my mind, a few of which managed to cross my lips. “Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't anyone tell me?”

  “I had vowed to your father that I would never speak to you about this.” Every word Elisa uttered seemed to cause her pain. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she quickly brushed them away.

  “Why? What can’t you tell me?” I pressed.

  She bit down on her lip, remaining silent.

  “Please, Elisa.” I resorted to begging. “I need to know.”

  We locked eyes, and I watched the resolve drain from her face. “Fine,” she said with a soft sigh. “But I think it would be best if your father explained everything.”

  Lifting her body from the bed, she slowly crossed to the other side of the room. Her hands trembled as she pulled open her closet door. From its dark depths, she retrieved a large, wooden trunk. I silently watched her rummage through its contents. Her eyes lit up as her fingers wrapped around the desired object. Tight-lipped and white-knuckled, she handed me an old, leather journal. I held my breath, carefully examining the book, feeling the soft brown cover beneath my fingertips. The age of the journal was evident by its frayed edges and loosened bindings; they threatened to release the pages at even the slightest misuse.

  “That was your father’s,” Elisa said quietly. “In it, he wrote about your mother’s forta.”

  My mother's forta? Another surprise.

  I sat back on Elisa’s bed, tucking my feet underneath me. She sank next to me, her blue eyes watching me intently as I peeled open the delicate book.

  I flipped to the first entry, neatly penned in dark black ink.